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My daughters, my wife and me

By on October 25, 2011 in Let's Blog Off, My Story 22

A stuffed tweety bird in her mouth
during the pre-school play.
Cried a lot when she was a baby;
the motivated one.

Lydia 2005

Threw the phone in the toilet,
and brought a mouse to her mom.
Had tantrums when our friends would leave;
the passionate one.

Jessica 2005

Memorized my number;
when she was only four.
Hiding in her room,
would ask me to come home.
The daddy’s girl.

Elaina 2005

The youngest one of all,
never was her own.
Does what the others say;
the playful one.

Anjelia 2009

My wife and I we’ve seen it all,
the good and the bad.
As long as we are all together
home is what we have.

It doesn’t matter where we live;
a house is a house.
Togetherness is what home is;
my daughters, my wife and me.

This is home

Essay: He gives and takes away (Directors Cut)

By on October 20, 2011 in Essays, My Story 5

Editors Note: When I wrote this essay for my English 101 class I trimmed three pages off in the editing process. She requested that I submit the full version for distribution to future classes. I was glad to do so and wanted to share it with anyone who wanted more details. I hope you enjoy it. I also corrected some facts that Julie helped me recall correctly.

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

No one plans on fighting infertility. Three years into our marriage my wife and I decided to start a family. We did not sit down and discuss what we would do if we were unable to get pregnant. I am sure our conversation was not unlike many other similar conversations being held throughout America. There were hugs and kisses and the anticipation of an addition to the family.

Three years later we were a very frustrated couple. We had exhausted every avenue and drew the line at In Vitro Fertilization. Due to our religious views we did not like the prospect of discarding fertilized eggs. As a result we chose foster parenting with the goal of adoption. My wife left her job, we sold our house, and moved into a smaller place that we could afford on my income. We spent the next year in Foster Parenting and Adoption classes.

In January of 1998 we received our first long term placement. Latecia was with us for nine months but the court had decided to return her to her mother. Many on her services team did not agree with this decision, but we carried out our duty to the bitter end. This was a horrible experience. Loading a child that we truly loved into the back seat of a car, and then watching her ride down the street was gut wrenching. Especially when nobody felt it was a good plan. I held to my faith during the next few months expecting every phone call to result Latecia being returned to us. As time passed I realized this was not going to happen. This experience left its mark on my faith.
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Creation Celebration

By on October 13, 2011 in My Story 11

Photo Credit: phpoto2010

When Julie and I decided to get married we put very little thought into the date. We picked the thirteenth of October simply because it was not far away and we liked the number thirteen.

Every year Creation does her best to celebrate with us.

Around the beginning of the month she drops the temperature to help us get comfortable. Her breath is a north wind that will push the humidity of summer out of the way. She will pepper the month with warm days to help keep us comfortable, but she breathes the cool air back into the nights to stir romance.

She caresses Dogwood and Pear to bring in red; Maple and Elm to bring in yellow. Oak will go untouched, to remind us of life and our youth. When we walk in the cool of the evening Creation will bring the north wind back, the sound of applause will shower us in colorful leaves; they fall at our feet. As if answering her call we will reach down and pick up a leaf or two; hold them up to the sun and bask in the colorful glow. To usher in the black of night she will envelop the sun with her arms; leaving the Milky Way and Moon to illuminate our path in a soothing glow.

Oh the colors Creation will put on display for our celebration this year.

Blessed 21st, Julie my love.

This is a late entry for the Let’s Blog Off asking for our favorite color. Carl agreed to do this one with me. Click the banner below to see the official entries.

Essay: He gives and takes away

By on September 15, 2011 in Essays, My Story 15

I knew why the white van was coming down my street. This had happened before. It had only been three years since Family Services came to our home and took our first daughter from us.

Our experience with Jessica was supposed to be completely different than the last child. When we were asked to take her, Family Services explained the situation to us, and we were told that adoption was the agreed upon goal. But after only a few months had passed, everything changed. During one particular meeting Jessica’s team told us that reunification with her birth father was now the intended outcome. Jessica’s caseworker, Sonny was in tears. I was in tears. My wife was in tears. We feared the worst.

The next eighteen months were hell. Visits with both birth parents increased. Jessica’s birth father was holding it together. He had a steady job, a place of his own and had been sober for the last several months. Most of the team was still apprehensive and were pushing Julie and me to petition the court for termination of the father’s rights, leaving us to adopt. We petitioned but were denied, and literally overnight the visits with the father were increased from once a week supervised, to daily and unsupervised.

As the visits increased Jessica’s countenance started to change. Once I got Jessica into her car seat she would go catatonic with her eyes gazing off into the distance. She didn’t kick or cry and was completely silent.
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Change is good

By on September 7, 2011 in My Story 4

Photo Credit: juvethski

If there is anything about my personality that I like it’s my ability to change directions at a moments notice.

This has certainly not created the easiest environment for my wife, who hates change. I will tell you this, though, we have gotten good at change and I think we’ve learned how to tell when it is time to do so.

This year has been a great example of our ability to make massive changes together. The last 9 months has seen me shut down my seven-year-old subcontracting company, discontinue a twelve month business coaching venture and start full time college courses. All of these changes we made together after we had taken the time to discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

The purpose of this post is to announce the changes being made to this web site. These changes have been in effect for a couple of weeks now but I wanted to do some kind of formal announcement on the blog with a call to action at the end.
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Mama works

By on July 19, 2011 in Let's Blog Off, My Story 14

If another person asks me if my wife works, I may become violent.

For some strange reason our society feels this need to put women who work outside of the home and women who choose to work at home, managing a family, into separate categories.

The most obvious reason to do this, I would guess, is because the ‘stay-at-home-mom’ doesn’t take a check for her labor and a college degree is optional. This puts her into a category all her own. One that is quickly becoming harder for the world at large to completely understand.

I can’t speak for other moms, but today, I want to speak for my wife, Julie. The hardest working and least appreciated person I know.

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The trap of attention

By on July 7, 2011 in My Story 2

Photo Credit: batmoo

Attention.

There isn’t anyone in the world that doesn’t like it. We want to be noticed for what we do, good or bad. If it gets us attention we will stick with it.

As I’m working in the mental health field as a nurse I see all kinds of people who will do some terrible things to maintain the attention of others. Self harm and hurting others are just two most obvious examples of this. Unsafe relationships and affairs both can be the result of attention.

The same thing can happen with an online business. You can use stats as justification to continue on your current path. Stats are helpful and very useful. They can be your guide on what to write about and what types of products and services are of interest to your followers.

They can also serve to give you a false sense of hope. A new twitter follower here, a new Facebook ‘like’ there. You can feel the momentum picking up. RSS subscribers grow and you get a few ‘ye-haw’ emails and turn around to your “fill in the blank” and tell them that you are almost there!

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It’s your day!

By on July 5, 2011 in Let's Blog Off, My Story 16

When I ask my wife why she puts so much effort into birthdays her answer is always the same.

It’s the one day each year that is “Your” day!

At the Dibben house you can always count on a party when your birthday comes around. Every year I think I have my wife talked into keeping it simple but as the birthdays get closer the plans grow and on that special day it’s always a party.

I’m not exempt from playing my part. I’ve manned the grill more than once and every now and then I end up in an outfit normally found during hazing incidents.

 

Elaina’s 8th birthday

Elaina turns 8

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I never did mind about the little things

By on June 30, 2011 in My Story 4

Photo Credit: R82 Photography

Do you remember that quote from “Point Of No Return” with Bridget Fonda?

She’s lived her whole life as a street kid and a criminal. After being caught by the authorities she is faced with either the death penalty or joining a secret government agency. Okay, so with the two options she wasn’t given much of a choice.

She spends the first couple of weeks in her training doing nothing but raising hell and tearing up the place. Finally, she’s given an ultimatum and told to either straighten up or get a ‘bullet to the brain’. She decides to actually try to become human (sort of, she is going to be an assasin and all) and meets her mentor. An older lady who seems pretty normal but has a dark side very similar to Maggie’s.

During a rough moment she teaches Maggie (Bridget Fonda) a nice little phrase to use when she’s faced with a situation that seems completely out of her control and her natural response is violence.

The phrase is simple: “I never did mind about the little things”

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Stealing Time

By on June 21, 2011 in Let's Blog Off, My Story 25

Stealing Time

Photo Credit: jeff_golden

This marks the first time I’ve had to completely delete a post and started over. This shouldn’t be a hard post to write for the Let’s Blog Off series. I’m asked what I do to recharge my batteries and I write a simple explanation and click the publish button.

The problem is that I don’t have a simple answer to this simple question because my life doesn’t feel very simple right now. I’m writing this post at 11:42pm on Sunday night because I won’t have any time between now and this Wednesday morning (a full day after it’s due) to write the thing, not if I want to get to bed at a decent time over the next few days.

Let me explain….

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