Archive by Author

Dream Again

By on December 30, 2011 in Roadblocks 5

Photo Credit: Nicole Pierce Photography

I am a dreamer by nature. I have never really lived in the now. I am constantly looking a little further down the road; imaging a glorious future.

When 2007 was drawing to a close I found myself unable to to dream of a glorious future. Earlier that year we purchased our dream home. Only two months after moving into this home the economy took its first dip. My business was hit hard, and I was without the means to keep us in our dream home. I did not have the heart to tell my wife of the impending loss. I knew things were going to end ugly. The value on our home dropped dramatically and a huge loss was in our future. It took half of 2008 for me to tell my wife what was coming. Never before had I faced life with that level of anxiety.

More than once during 2008 I considered driving my truck off the interstate and over a bridge embankment. I had a $750,000.00 life insurance policy, and that certainly would have solved all of our financial problems. My wife and daughters would be taken care of. They would get over my loss soon enough. These thoughts were accompanied with bouts of extreme panic. My respirations would shoot sky high and I would get dizzy. It was a miserable existence. I just wanted it to all go away. I finally got the nerve to tell Julie about the house and my anxiety attacks. I ended up at our primary care physician’s office. I told him what was going on and he prescribed something for the anxiety. I hated the way it made me feel. I just quit caring about anything at all. I lacked energy and drive. For the first time in my life I hated who I was and what I had become; a depressed man with no hope.

Since I was the only bread winner in the family I knew that taking this medication was a bad plan. How could I make things better if I did not care? One Wednesday night at church I went forward for prayer. Our pastor came up to me.

“How can I pray for you tonight, James?”

“I’m on medication for anxiety, but when I take it I just do not care about anything. I need healing in my mind.”
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Essay: Assume Nothing

By on December 28, 2011 in Essays 2

Editors Note: For finals in my general psychology class last semester we were required to write a five page essay. We were expected to write about how we were changed because of taking the class. I wrote this essay and receives a grade of 98 out of 100. I decided to share it with my blog readers. I hope you enjoy it.

Last week I was contemplating our essay assignment. When I looked at the assignment my own self talk had begun. The assignment required us to consider how we have changed as a result of the class. At first I did not feel like my viewpoints had changed at all as a result of the class. Since I already work in the mental health industry I really felt like I had a leg up on the class. In many ways I did. I have been exposed to a variety of mental health disorders and personality disorders. I do not need convincing that mental disorders and personality disorders exist. I see it every single day.

Before starting, I decided to sit down and review my journal entries from the year. It was my hope to find a common theme between the nine entries that I could expand on for this essay. It was fun to explore my thoughts for the year and read the difference between my thoughts early in the semester all the way up till now.
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Journal: Fall 2011 Report Card

By on December 26, 2011 in My Journal 2

English 101 – “A”
This class remains my favorite for the semester. I enjoyed writing all four essays for this class. I really feel like I stretched my writing skills. The one major thing I learned from this class was the advice, “Show, don’t tell”. With this advice I have tried to incorporate more story telling style into my writing. I have put a lot more conversational dialog into my blog posts. This helps the reader feel more like they are reading a story.

General Psychology – “A”
This class is a very close second to my English class. For our final we were required to write a five page essay detailing how we have changed as a result of taking this class. During the semester we were required to write nine journal entries using class content as the subject matter. For the final I went over those journals and found a common theme within them all. My essay was titled, “Assume Nothing” and my instructor awarded me a 98 out of 100 on it. I will be posting this essay on Wednesday of this week.
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Hard work is relative

By on December 22, 2011 in Hard Work 5

Join the Hard Work Network

Many of you know of this little idea Josh Bulloc and I came up with called the “Hard Work Network” (HWN).

The concept is simple. Build a page on your web site centered around a few things you are currently trying to accomplish. This page is designed to be a companion to the standard “About” page, but should change three to four times a year. New visitors to your site should be able to use this page to get a snapshot of what you are currently doing. Ideally they should also be able to see what you have done.

A few weeks ago I was throwing out invitations to join the network. Someone on twitter stated that they would like to join, but were afraid their list would seem lazy compared to mine. I would like to address this concern with a simple statement.

Hard work is relative.

The HWN is not a competition. It is not about competing with each other and seeing who has the most challenging list. I cannot speak for you but in my life the biggest challenge I face is myself. The HWN is about each member pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone. This is measured on a case by case basis and each member has to decide for themselves what is hard work given their current circumstances and challenges.

Here are just a few guidelines if you are a current member or considering joining.

1. The HWN list should have short-term and obtainable goals
Vague goals serve no purpose. Ninety days after making the HWN list, a member should be able to cross each item off as completed. If a goal cannot be 100% completed in ninety days it should not be on the list. The member may need to consider breaking that goal into smaller, more obtainable goals.

2. The list should be hard
As stated above this is about hard for the member, not hard for everyone. Someone who struggles with depression may have several days during a ninety day period where they do not get out of bed. Setting a goal to get out of bed every day for ninety days is hard work for them.

3. Less is more
It is tempting to put eight to ten items on the list. I would discourage this. The list should not have more than four items and just one is even better. I would rather see one obtainable measurable goal on a list than five vague items that can never be completely done.

4. No repeats
At the end of ninety days your list should get a refresh. I would encourage a blog post pointing to, and explaining, an update to the HWN page. Putting back older goals, whether you accomplished them or not, is a quick path to a stagnant page that looses its value for the reader and the member. This list is about moving forward. Success or failure should not stall forward momentum.

If you want to join the Hard Work Network you can get more details by visiting my Hard Work page.

Here is a list of the current members and their pages. Special thanks to Rufus at The Dog Walk Blog for the code. Feel free to follow us on twitter by searching the hashtag #HWN.

What if the other guy is losing money?

By on December 20, 2011 in Blue Collar Business, Let's Blog Off 6

Photo Credit: 401K (click image to visit http://www.401kcalculator.org/)

“Integrity Counter Tops, this is James.”

“Sure, we make laminate counter tops.”

“Yes, self edge is eighteen per foot plus five per foot to install.”

“Okay, well if you need me to come out and do a bid just let me know.”

That is how I answered my phone the first three years I was in business.

I made a common mistake. I assumed that I could run my company with the exact same pricing as any other counter top company here in Kansas City. The problem with that mentality (and it is all too common) is not all counter top companies are the same. By having a ‘per unit’ pricing model I was stifling my company in a couple of ways.

First, I was unaware of what my real cost was on every job. Secondly, by having a ‘per unit’ pricing structure I went on less actual house calls. I set myself up to be exactly like every other counter top company here in Kansas City. My personality and style did not stand out because I relinquished control of my prices and put them in the hands of the customer. The last thing I needed was customers sitting at home figuring my prices for their jobs. Unfortunately many other small business owners do this same thing every day.

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Journal: So much time, so little to do

By on December 19, 2011 in My Journal 7

This little break between semesters promises to be a good one.

As of today I am full time with Comprehensive Mental Health Services and will be the day nurse at our crisis house. This is my first full time employment for someone other than myself in eight years.

I never did get my company large enough for me to be able to take an extended leave without work following me. Paid vacations and paid holidays were not something I was able to have. Julie and I took more than one trip out of town only for me to be on the phone with customers the entire trip.

There are plenty of people out there who are more than happy to make you think self employment is the greatest thing that can ever happen to a person. While self employment does have its upsides there are plenty of down sides. I cannot count how many weeks I paid my employees and had to wait till the next week to get paid. The advice, “Pay yourself first” sounds great coming off the pages of a book. It is not quite as simple in practice. You can get yourself upside down with places like the IRS real quick running wild with that advice.

Certainly those self employed years have served me well in the experience category, but they have also left me a little tired, and slightly skeptical of traditional self employment. Many times self employment is just a doorway into a position where you get stuck doing all kinds of stuff you do not enjoy. Contrary to the self employment talking heads you can find happiness in employment. Traditionally employed people have value and someone preaching to the contrary should be avoided; they are teaching discontentment.

For me there has been an ebb and flow in my employment. I am perfectly happy to spend a few years being an employee. I will explore other opportunities once I have an advanced degree, or two, and I can just broker my services.

For the next month I am just going to enjoy going to work each day, doing a great job, then enjoying time with my family in the evenings and on the weekends.

The next time you happen upon a guy or gal that runs their own service company. Stop and shake their hand. They work harder than you can possibly imagine.

Journal:Fall 2011 Finals

By on December 12, 2011 in My Journal 2

Before I make this week’s entry I want to take a moment to welcome some new readers. A few weeks ago I participated in a reader challenge over at the Smart Passive Income blog.

I submitted my very first essay called: “He Gives and Takes Away”

If you enjoyed this essay I encourage you to read the extended version located HERE.

This essay is the story of the adoption of our second daughter. It is a must read if you are a fan of this blog.

For those of you who found me from Pat’s sight and you want to know more about what the focus of this site is please visit the ‘About Me‘ page and also my “Current Hard Work” page.
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It seemed like a good idea at the time

By on December 6, 2011 in Let's Blog Off 20

My wife loves to decorate for Christmas. The phrase, “the more the merrier” is not lost on us. These snowflakes have been taken down, neatly packed, and unpacked for the last decade. Every year our home is stuffed wall to wall, with decorations.

It is like an episode of Hoarders but with lights!

The tackier the decoration the more excited we get.

I think I picked this one up from Wal-Mart but I do not remember. It is about three feet tall.

This is quite possibly the most frightening thing on the planet. It looks harmless but do not be fooled!

Douglas Fir - Of Death!

Plug it in, turn it on and if someone walks by it opens its mouth and it starts..

“Do you know what time it is? It’s Christmas time!”

“Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree how lovely are your branches.”

Well, Julie got this great idea to plug it in after the kids went to bed so they would wake up in the morning and be surprised.

About seven AM we hear this blood curdling scream coming from the living room followed by screaming and running down the hall and a door slamming. We find our beloved Jessica hiding in the corner of her room crying, “The eyes!”

The eyes of death!

For the next three years Jessica refused to come out of her room while we dug the decorations out of the attic. If we even hinted that we were using Douglas she would run from the room screaming and slam the door; locking it behind her.

Friends

Eventually Douglas and Jessica did make up. She is even able to laugh at herself now.

The next time you head to the attic to dig out your decorations. Beware the dangers that lurk in the corners! Things are not always as they seem!

Journal: Simple pleasures are the best

By on November 28, 2011 in My Journal 6

The Saturday after Thanksgiving is a big deal at our house.

Christmas Trees

“Pumpkins and Pines” is about 45 minutes away. It is the largest Christmas tree farm in the area. From the highway we pulled into a circle drive. I could hear the crackle sound of the gravel beneath our tires. It had been raining all morning and the sky was still overcast. There was a cold northern wind, but we were prepared; we had on our boots, coats, hats and gloves. The tractor that would take us to the trees was pulling a thirty foot trailer. The trailer had bails of hay around the perimeter for us to sit on. We piled in and headed to the back corner and huddle together trying to keep warm.

It was a short ride to the back of the property where the trees were growing. We got out of the trailer and began the hunt. Many of the trees were marked by either blue paint or a red tag signaling ownership. We stopped at our first tree and size it up. It is about six foot tall and a few feet in diameter. It was probably a perfect fit, but what fun is it to find the perfect tree in just five minutes? It was about the experience as much as the goal so we kept looking. We headed down the hill and towards the small creek. The path leading to the creek was muddy, but that did not stop Julie from walking through the mud, and over the concrete bridge leading to the other half of the farm. Jessica tried to follow her but slid down the hill and fell into the mud. I reach down and grabbed her as quickly as possible, lifted her to her feet, and helped her get the mud off her hands. Grandpa was with us and pulled out his small pocket knife and started scraping the mud off her pants for her; he achieved hero status. Finally we found the perfect tree. I cut it down, we got back onto the trailer, and headed back to the farm house.
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Pumpkin pie for David

By on November 22, 2011 in Let's Blog Off, Short Stories 11

Photo Credit: Deiru

~for Celia~

“I’m going to get to see David today, mom!”

Judy came running down the stairs, and almost stepped on the dog before sliding into the kitchen.

“Honey, I wish your brother could be here today too. I miss him a lot.”

Susan was getting tired of trying to explain to her daughter that David was still in Europe fighting the war. The girl was only eight and was very adamant that her brother would be at dinner. She had been talking about David’s surprise visit for thanksgiving for three months. Susan knew better than to get her hopes up. Just last week she received a letter from David.

“Mom, it is so cold here in Luxembourg! There is already snow on the ground! Thankfully we are staying in a warm building in town. We have received quite the welcome since chasing off those damn Germans. I wish I could be there with you for Thanksgiving this year. I never dreamed of missing two years in a row. Tell Judy that I miss her and I am really sorry I won’t make it home this year.

Me and the guys are planning a big meal for Thanksgiving. I talked them into waiting till 9:00pm local time so we can at least be eating the same time you are! Tell Judy I will be there in spirit?

Your son always,
David

October 8th 1944″

“Mom, are you going to make David’s favorite dessert this year?”

“You know we always have pumpkin pie, dear.”
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