Photo Credit: Keith Moyer

It’s interesting what can be revealed to us when we decide to deny ourselves something.

Facebook is blocked at work which must be a good thing or I’m convinced my pay would be getting docked at this point. I cannot believe how often I reach for my iPhone with the intent of checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Between yesterday afternoon and this afternoon I wouldn’t even begin to guess how many times I looked down at my hand and asked myself: “Why am I staring at the apps screen of my phone unable figure out which one to launch?” Deep down I know it’s out of pure habit. When there is a slow minute (or thirty) I habitually unlock my phone and check those three platforms. Do I really believe anything THAT important has happened in the last hour? I must believe it because that’s how often I check. Surely someone has shared an article I can’t live without reading immediately. Surely someone has shared a snarky image I needed to read so I can make it through the rest of the day. Or maybe someone has shared a scripture verse I would never be able to find using my YouVersion app.

Obviously I’m just fine without those things. Just like any other negative habit, things just snuck up on me. It got so easy to just life up my phone and check a few statuses that before long that is what I am doing with my free time. Never mind the book I’m trying to get through. Never mind the scripture(s) I’m trying to memorize. Never mind the ever-important prayer and bible times in the morning.

I’ve been getting up at 5:30 AM for the last couple of months. I wake up my two oldest by reading scripture to them while sitting next to their beds with a cup of coffee. Don’t get impressed, it’s really hard and I don’t always feel like doing it, especially when they aren’t always very welcoming. Anyway, by 6:00 they are both up and I’m sitting in the living room with the next thirty minutes to do whatever I want. This morning I was able to knock out a couple of chapters in “Praying Circles Around Your Children” (read THIS first) with ease.

I can’t believe how much time I must have used up in the mornings checking social media. Bleh, what a waste of such a crucial time of the day! I’m such an easily distracted person. I’m almost embarrassed to discover how much time I used up on something I should probably just check twice a day not twice an hour and certainly not as a starter to the day.

After just one day I am convinced that by the end of this three week fast I will have a much healthier plan for the way I use social media. It is already obvious to me that it has taken way too much of a prominent position in my life.

Yesterday our pastor called all of the church to a 21 day fast leading up to Easter Sunday. Instead of food he wanted everyone to pick something they feel God is leading them to abstain from.

Yesterday afternoon I pondered what I should fast. I felt like it needed to be something I was used to doing ever day. I watch very little television so that one was out. I don’t have any hobbies that take up a lot of my time, certainly not something I do more than a couple times a week.

Eventually I realized that I needed to get away from all social media for three weeks. As the day progressed I realized how often I check Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. I bet between the three platforms I check them all at least ever 30 minutes. That’s just too much. If you know me it would come as no secret that I am easily distracted. Obviously social media has become an all-to-easy distraction for me.

The power of fasting food is that, as you get hungry, the feeling of hunger reminds you of what you are doing. Those hunger pains remind you to pray. This is why for these 21 days I need to fast something I will miss. Every time I reach for my iPhone I won’t find Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. The absence of these applications will remind me that I am in a time of prayer and seeking God.

For the next 21 days consider me off of all social media. Any blog posts I write will continue to be published to Facebook and Twitter because WordPress does it automatically. I won’t see any comments made on Facebook or Twitter so if you would like to share your thoughts on any of my posts you will have to do so in the comments below each post.

For these 21 days my prayers will be focused on my family. They have their hands full right now. I start back at school this evening, and I’m gone a lot when I’m taking classes. I won’t see Elaina and Anjelia at all on Monday’s and Tuesday’s because of these classes. When I am home I will still have a lot of studying to do so many evenings, when I’m home, I will probably seem absent.

I also need God’s guidance on how to lead this family well. Every day there are challenges Julie and I face. So much in the world of parenting is a moving target. What worked yesterday is not guaranteed to work tomorrow. Personalities are so different between the four of them that a systems minded guy like myself can’t just use one plan for everyone. That part of parenting has been the biggest challenge for me personally.

I’ve never had God speak to me in an audible voice, but there have been times in my life where I was more aware of His presence and direction than usual. During these next tree weeks I hope to increase that awareness and hopefully receive some direction in my life. I can never get enough of that.

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Photo Credit: keoshi

Yesterday morning about 8:00 AM a quiet and gentle snow shower moved its way across Kansas City. I love those kinds of mornings in the winter. There is something spiritual about a fresh snow. I am reminded of a verse in Isaiah.

Isaiah 1:18

though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow

As I watched the many colors of rough ground being replaced with the white snow I gained a deeper understanding of this verse. Once enough snow had fallen, all the ground looked the same. It looked cleaner than it really was. It had the appearance of evenness. The snow filled in the gaps between the rocks and limbs lying on the ground. As I looked out past the hill in the back yard I could see the cut marks left by last summer’s lawn service. Eventually, those lines would disappear and begin to match the rest of the yard as the blanket of white overtook all the ground. It all looked even. It all looked clean.

God’s grace works much in the same way. It covers the rocks and broken limbs and dirty places of my life. The cut marks left by life’s trials and tribulations are replaced with the beauty of perfectness. Underneath I am dirty, broken and flawed. God’s grace and love covers all of that and gives me a cleanliness that only comes from the One who is perfect.

God’s grace is perfect, but my maintenance of it is not. I may track across it stirring up the dirt underneath. I may just press the grace deeper into the mud below causing it to turn brown. I may allow someone to push grace to the side revealing my natural uncleanness. Still, God’s grace is near, and ready to cover over the dirt again.

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Photo Credit: Keene and Cheshire County (NH) Historical Photos

If I don’t find a mission above and beyond myself I may lose my mind over the next 24-36 months.

In March I go back to college after taking this last semester off. I will spend the next ten months completing the four prerequisites needed to enter a nursing program. In December of this year I will enter an eighteen month RN program. If I focus only on this one goal I struggle with the frustrating feeling that I will never get done. I’m officially a year behind my original plans. My kids will be a year older when I’m done than I originally planned. My oldest will be a junior in high school. The next youngest will be driving. The next youngest will be almost fourteen and the very youngest will be painfully close to her teen years. It all seems way too long to continue to live this far below the national average when it comes to my income. This rebooting of my income is so inconvenient.

As I stepped into 2013 this week I came to a stark realization. I need something additional as the backdrop for the next few years. If the only thing I have time for is my education then I run the risk of living every day under a dark cloud of frustration.

This week I made a permanent decision. I’m not calling it a “New Year’s Resolution”. I generally think those are silly. As my pastor said last week: “If you are waiting till a certain day of the year to decide to make a change you are probably the kind of person who never changes.” The only way to take a task as big as getting a degree and making it less of a focus is to replace it with something much bigger. I need to make it a goal that doesn’t dominate my thought life.

What is bigger than getting my degree? The kingdom of God is. I can find all kinds of ways to justify the next 2-3 years spiritually. I can think about the way I can give more money to the church with a bigger income. I can think about how I can pay for my daughters to go on missions trips and youth retreats because of my bigger income. The problem with this is it won’t change the timetable. If I can find things to be working on other than my degree time will pass quicker, and I will have a chance to enjoy other things in life.

I want to help my daughters begin to develop a deep understanding that God has a plan for their lives. I want to help men who have become disillusioned with God and church rekindle the fire of eternal purpose. I want my wife to grow in the understanding that she brings immense value to the lives of everyone who is blessed enough to encounter her every day. For myself I want nothing more than to be useful in God’s multi-generational plan to reconcile the earth to himself through the unconditional gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.

I want a degree. I want a better income. I want more professional responsibility and influence. Those things are fine. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things. But what I want more than anything else is to live out Matthew 11:12 in every area of my life.

From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.